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Marriage: Is One of You Depressed?

By on September 20, 2015
photo-mort-border-md Mort Fertel - Author and Founder of Marriage Fitness

This article gives one example. Beware. This is not always the case but it is something to think about.

Read it together if one of you are depressed. Get counseling together and separately.

Remember, some pastors took counseling classes and some didn’t. Some are gifted at it, some are not, even if they are your friend.

Our relationships do have an effect on depression.

Learn and Grow, Love and Live. Alexa

by Mort Fertel (

Are you depressed? Is your spouse depressed? Do one of you THINK the other is depressed?

I recently had a series of phone sessions with a woman named Regina (name changed) who lives in Canada. I asked Regina what her husband thinks is the problem with their marriage. She explained, “Ted says that the problem with our marriage is that I’m depressed. He thinks if I wasn’t depressed, we’d be fine. And so it’s up to me.”

It IS common for depression to accompany marital strife. But what causes one spouse to be depressed?

We usually think of depression as an infliction caused by an INDIVIDUAL’S mental state. But, as if often the case, the problem is the way we see the problem.

In marriage, although depression is something that may inflict only one spouse; it’s usually caused by BOTH spouses. In order to understand what I mean, let’s consider what it REALLY means to be depressed.

The dictionary definition of “depressed” is: “to press down” or “cause to sink.”

And, in fact, a depressed person feels that someone or something is PRESSING DOWN on them and not allowing for the relief they seek.

Regina’s husband had good reason to think that Regina was depressed. She threatened suicide, had the habit of breaking $200 china against the $5000 breakfront, sometimes cut the laundry with scissors rather than folding it neatly, and would break down in tears for no apparent reason. The interesting thing is (are you ready?): Regina ONLY did……..

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